I'm sitting here staring at a very official letter....it is notifying me that my "Playa-Playa' card has been permanently and irrevocably revoked! Sigh...Well...there goes my yearly invitation to the Players Ball....Damn, I have to take back that hot fuscia 3-piece suit with the matching gators......not sure what i'm going to do with that free time.
On a more serious note- i received several {and i do mean several} emails from men who thought i had sold out the single man and who felt like my last post was a uni-directional tirade against as one tongue'n'cheek reader put it "single man (curse his soul and meager existence on this world!".
So I feel like a brief clarification is in order because heaven knows that there is no group that i would hate to alienate more than the single man...and soon you'll hear why.
One of the comments/questions I received reads: "Upon further reflection and deeper contemplation I am left with but 1 (one) question; where does this leave the single woman??.....enlighten me on your views of his counterpart?" Fair enough.
The simple but stark difference between single man and single Woman is that the former is an underground society and the latter is a condition based on the former. When I make mention of ‘single man’ I'm not speaking about an individual or a personal choice- I'm talking about an institution- that's right, lets call it the Secret Order of Singlemen or S.O.S for short {and yes it is a distress call}.
Some of you {and you know who you are} don’t act surprised that I am outing this secret organization and I know that I do so under threat and security of my life. The truth must be told and I will suffer all consequences for my actions- you have to live for something or die for nothing!
This secret society has infiltrated every level of society and is threatening to gain greater levels of membership even as we speak. Their messages are everywhere. From music, billboards and television to books, politics and Hollywood. Their aim? Simple. To get what they want. And what do single men want? That’s right, everything just the way they want it, when they want it, how they want, where they want it and whoever they want it with.
Proof of this secret society. C’mon- that’s too easy. Lets look at popular music for instance- how many clever ways {and not so clever} can you reduce a relationship to a one-night stand or even shorter {bathroom in the club seems to be in fashion}? How many ridiculously crass situations can be explained in 3 minutes or less for the masses to absorb?
But where is my factual, clear hard evidence of this secret order? O.k. Fine,if you insist, but you have just signed my death certificate.
Here are 5 different quotes from the Top 10 songs out right this minute on the Billboard Top 40 ….enjoy and watch for the cleverly embedded messages…it takes a professional ear with years of training to decode these secret socieity messages but give it a try and see how you do.
1. good girls gone bad, the city's filled with them,Mommy took a bus trip and now she got her bust out,everybody ride her, just like a bus route,{Jay Z}
2. {Usher} I'm ready to sign them papers, papers, papersI done took all I can take but u leave me no options girlI can't deny how much I love you, I done gave up everything I had toAs hard as it is I'm afraid I gotta sayI'm ready to sign them papers, papers, papersI done took all I can take but u leave me no options girl…..All my fellas up in here, if u had enough and u're ready to sign sayReady Ready Ready Ready(I'm ready, yes I am)All my ladies if u sick and tired, and u're, ready to sign, sayReady Ready Ready Ready(ooh)I can't keep livin this life, I'm gonna leave it for the last time I'mReady Ready Ready Ready
3. This goes out to the beautiful girlsWhich one of yall, which one of yallWhich one of yall goin' home wit trigga[Verse 1: Trey Songz]Sittin at the club oo shawtyWalkin past a nigga lookin all naughtyThen I sad baby wassupReach for that hand shake got a hugBottles of H got me wit a lil buzzUp in VIP wit all my thugs niggasU leaned over and said u want meGirl when the vallet pull the benz upOff to the crip shawty where we gon end upGirl sit back relax hold upLet me turn the radio on[Chorus: Trey Songz]Girl let me get u to the crib (let me get u to the crib)Upstairs to the bed (upstairs to the bed)Girl you gonna think (x4)Girl when I pull back them sheetsAnd you climb on top of meGirl you gonna think (x4)You gonna think I invented sex {Trey Songz}
4. That's how I'm on it hatin I don't condone it
I don't want to keep your girl I just borrow her for a moment
I’m not attach to that you can have her back
But after this she probably don't want go back to lookin like I just got marry
Black white all races I just like em nasty
She's indian ok well I f*** her like an Apache
5. And Every Time I'm With This ChickWe F*(^ Like We In A RelationshipI Want To Stay Forever, But(Chorus)I Love Them Then Leave Them Come Back And Then Leave Them AgainThe Tina's And The Gina'sThe Lisa's And Teresa'sThe Keyshia's And Alishia'sI Love Them Then Leave Them Come Back And Then Leave Them AgainThe Judy's And The Suzy'sThe Stacy's And The Tracy'sThe Ana's And The Hannah'sI Love Them Then Leave Them Come Back And Then Leave Them AgainAgainAgainI Love Them And Leave Them Come Back And Then Leave Them
Ahhhh, sure poetry…but I digress.
Billboards Top 10 had only 1 female song represented Latoya’s Luckette song Regret…how appropriate. Lets see what she has to say:
Regret Lyrics You must regret the day that you left me(ohh yeah)You must regret the day that you left me.1st Verse:I made you coolYou wasnt that dude.
Hmmmm, curious coincidence or ? I think the point has been made.
Nothing like a good dose of relationship empowerment while riding in your car, right? And it’s also comforting to know what all of the S.O.S members of the future are listening to in their Ipods.
All married men were once single. All of us passed through our days of ME. However, unlike our solitary brethren we opted out of the secret society and plunged into a world that’s generally not as celebrated.
This is not to say that even once we leave the S.O.S that we don’t display tendencies of our former association. As you can see from the above musical examples the brainwash process is deep and thorough and often times requires dramatic, consistent and maybe even severe deprogramming methods to rid ourselves of the S.O.S training.
Ladies and gentlemen, therefore in my attempt to strike back against the empire, I offer you the top 6 signs that you may be dating a dedicated member of the SOS:
6. He listens to top 40 music…..and likes it!
5 You are over 30 ,have been dating for more than a year, and talks of marriage are scuttled by rousing coughing bouts or feigned sleeping fits.
4. All his friends are single- sure giveaway.
3. His mother tells you not to push him away with talks of serious commitment {as proof that this method works-she tells you that she never forced him to eat his vegetables either and look how he turned out}
2. He has a poster of Jack Nicholson and Wilt Chamberlin on his wall {not a basketball picture either but from the cover of his autobiography}.
1. He told you that his SOS tattoo means “Saving Our Sisters”
If you don’t hear from me by the time my next blog is due next week…assume the worst.
That’s what I think….in 1340 words or less……..
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