What I have found interestingly curious over the course of my last two blogs are the responses from men who essentially say “well that’s great that you have found the ONE, but hey- give us guys a break who have yet to find our queens”. Permit me a moment to address this valid rebuttal on part of my single brethren.
First, as it pertains to single men’s perspectives about my scrutiny, I would have to state for the record that I too have had my share of ‘less-than-ideal’ relationships. My wife was not my first girlfriend or lover.
My ex’s can easily give you stories of betrayal, insolent dialogue and a blatant disregard for the relationship- to be frank- drama was simply the norm for me. I’m a pretty passionate person so when the relationship is good-it’s very good but when it sours…hey, get ready because it’s about to rain lemons.
But single man you would have missed my point if you believe anything other than this: YOU ATTRACT TO YOU WHAT YOU ARE EMITTING OUT. PERIOD. So, if it seems that you have been hit by a string full of miserable women who made your life living hell….guess what? That’s right, I’m sure they have the same to say about you -Mr.Miserable.
Not only that, this perspective miraculously reveals that the onus of the burden of your singleness rest on your inner world which is pulling these relationships and women to you. Why are you doing that single man?
Single men have a hard time looking in the mirror, which is the divine role that women serve in our lives. Single men instinctively search for the source of their problems outside of themselves, often times blaming their lack of commitment on their being a shortage of suitable partners.
I have a hard time keeping a straight face when single men tell me that I’m "lucky" to have found “one of the few good women left”. Haaa! I may be blessed….but I’m not lucky. I attracted to me that which I was actively seeking and it took WORK. That’s like telling a world-class body builder that he’s “lucky” to have muscles OR the Wright brothers were lucky to have a plane. It belittles the serious work involved.
Just so that single man doesn’t think that I am unfairly castigating him, I will put myself on the operating table and allow the analytical surgical tool of PMM {Polyamourous Monogamous Male} to open up my own innards to be examined. After all one should be able to taste the medicine he prescribes right?
When I reflect on my own patterns of dating let me explain to you what I found out about myself. I first started seriously when I was about 15 or 16. There were of course certain types of women that even at that age that I was attracted to, however, the most common characteristic amongst them all was that- none of them, and I do mean none of them- had close and loving relationships with their fathers. None.
I was attracted to women who didn’t have close relationships with their fathers. The reasons are actually quite simple- girls/women who had absence or misaligned relationships with their fathers were more likely to have sex with me quicker. There I said it- let the chips fall were they may. I mean really, should this be surprising? What else is more important to an American teenage boy then scoring and scoring quickly, except a song and a movie that glamorize it to the extreme?
Although the pursuit of sex may be an oversimplification of my drives what I want to get across is that I got away with murder with girls who didn’t have congruent relationships with their fathers. It doesn’t take a serial dater long to discover the traits of easy pray. I list some of them for you here:
Top 5 reasons I dated a girl/woman with weak or absent father relations:
5. She’s more likely to have sex earlier in the courting phase {this is key because if she waited she would soon find out exactly how shallow my drives to date her really were and nothing makes a coward run faster than the threat of exposure}
4. She’s unfamiliar with what true manhood looks like thus she is willing to tolerate a lot more foolishness and single men are inherently foolish.
3. She’s more insecure- having felt the real or perceived rejection of her father these women have daddy issues that leave them vulnerable to exploitation.
2. She has a deep desperation to fill the male void and thus she may leap before she looks. The phenomenon of seeking out the weakest of the pack is akin to what lions do when stalking their pray.
1. She hasn’t had anyone to school her on all of the games that young boys run on young girls AND doesn’t have a baritone voice holding a high caliber weapon to deter unseemly behavior on the part of young foolish boys.
Women instinctively measure men up according to their relationship with their fathers. If their father was absent, physically or emotionally, that left me with very little, if not zero, to measure up to. Whew….that was great for me because my aims and intentions didn’t measure up to much….perfect fit- or so I thought.
When I was finally ready to be serious it wasn’t because by some grand wave of the magnanimous wand that I realized that I was hurting others- I could only wish that I was that circumspect at the time. No, the reason why I was driven to make a profound change in the way that I saw women and my relationship to women was based on me continually feeling unfulfilled in the choices I was making. It was my own pain that really drove me to change- not the pain that I had been inflicting on others. Like I said…single men are selfish but not unredeemable.
But back to the major point: the relationships that you have in your life are mere reflections of what you really believe, think and act towards yourself. Nothing more-nothing less. . The most effective way to attract that person into your life that you say you really want is to become that person.
Some of you are asking for a mate who is kind and understanding but you yourself have a temper of rattlesnake in heat. Some of you are bemoaning not having someone who loves you for the way you are- yet you spend 15 minutes every morning in the mirror and the better part of you day making mental comments about how fat, short, pale, dark, stupid or saggy you are. As one of the great men of our times once stated “be the change you wish to see in the world”.
Finally, Single man- there is a plethora of fantastic women out there. The world is full of them- trust me they are out there. The question is are you going to re-align yourself and do the WORK necessary to make YOU ready and receptive for a meaningful relationship? Or are you saying there’s a lack of good women to cover up for your lack of commitment to changing what hasn't and will never work for you? Just keep it real.
Man Up!- At least that’s what I think in 1239 words or less.
Next Blog: Women and their fatal mistakes in finding MAN
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