OK. Now to the two incidents that caused my world to be thrown into complete chaos.
The first- I was out drinking with two males at the local watering hole last night and one of the men had just had a great argument with his wife of 10 + years. Now, this man is an African who has lived in the USA, well traveled and pretty well to do. Our other companion is an African-American man who is visiting here in Ghana for the first time and a great friend of the first- he’s single {I will resist getting to much into this at this time but feel free to read my other blogs for enlighment on this particular species}.
Anyway, we are all chumming it up and the discussion is basically around how it seems to be the other married man's understanding that women were put on the planet to drive men crazy and that the single guy at the table actually has made the wiser choice in his estimation- no ball and chain. Of course I’ve heard this before…hell- I may have even said it before so this statement didn’t raise any alarms. His next statement however was going to do to me what the red pill did to Neo- yes- right down the rabbit hole.
So then my married compatriot with the conviction of a saint looks over his wine glass and says to us “no matter how high a woman reaches- she will always lay underneath a man!....after all she is a woman”. I laughed. I laughed hard. What a foolhearty thing to say in a fit of anger- you know like calling your little brother a “dookie brain” because he snitched on you and got you in trouble {although giving credit to the children-they don’t actually believe that thier brain is made of dookie}.
As I finished up my chuckle I looked up to see something extremely odd that flipped my script- he wasn’t kidding! He was as serious as a heart attack. To him, he just dropped some gospel truth on the congregation and my shock came with the realization that I have up to this point been an unwitting member of this church-God forgive me.
The next statement that I make will of course cause a row {and you know how I really hate to do that} but it has been true in my experience- most men think this way in some way, shape or form . Fellas don't deny it- the gig is up and most women know this anyway.
Most men are conditioned to think of women as a different species to be considered mysterious, unpredictable, emotional and not to be trusted. The religious stories that we receive don’t seem to aid much in rebutting these erroneous ideas and in fact may indeed be the source of most men's deep distrust of woman.
I mean, according to King James, Eve was basically created as an afterthought. It seemed everything was pretty much done in creation and then after some time Adam got bored with the redundancy of paradise {this is clearly before the advent of organized sports and strip clubs} and God took pity on him and whipped him up some eternal entertainment- voila!- Woman.
Anyway, back to our drink up. It was in that moment that I realized that I have been hearing this from men for years! I mean many years. But for some reason, this is the first time that I allowed myself to believe that THEY ACTUALLY BELIEVED what they were saying. Since i've been in Africa i've had several men tell me this...and up to this point i really hadn't taken it seriously. I just figured that someone caught a stone in his soup last night..chipped a tooth and was vexed when we met up.....How was I to know that this thought is as much as part of the male psyche as corn is to cob?
I used to think men were just belittling women this way in moments of frustration in order to vent with the “fella’s” and build enough comradie for the cause that is marriage to give him the strength to man up and get back in the ball game with his head on straight. Guess what? That could not be further from the truth and the state of relationships and the contribution of the majority of men to the cause of that state bares this out.
The majority of men, whether they have mentally articulated to themselves or not, actually believe that the problem in their relationships is caused by the fact that they are in relationships with the eternally damned….and that it’s really their goal to Tolerate this necessary evil until 'death do us part'.
And lets be clear- what generally passes for " tolerate” in the mind of most men usually lies in- between the legs of a less demanding secondary lover who herself has allowed herself to be relegated to his own living breathing external “coping mechanism”. I’m trippin!
Of course, I had little faith that Mr.Single at the table was going to add any sanity to the madd circle, Mr.Single was bobbing his head and smiling to the sermon like the holy ghost had descended on our table....for a minute there i thought i was going to have to catch him in the aisle and fan him if he caught the spirit any harder.
After the marriage rant ran down, my two guest took their leave and there I was left alone at the bar to ponder on my new revelation. After my last sip of wine I sondered home to my wife with a poor puppy dog look on my face. As I collapsed on the bed I briefly mumbled my experience and the wide sweeping implications of my revelation. I fell asleep quickly- the thoughts were to many.
Ahhhhh, fresh up in the morning yawning I headed to breakfast with friends as I had successfully placed last nights events firmly in the back of my mind. I got into a great conversation with a very intelligent and forward thinking teen age girl about relationships and her view on them. As she was completing her great soliloquy her six year old brother walks in the room and she immediately remembers something that he has recently told her.
So she say’s “ marcus, tell Hasira what you told me a few days ago about when you get married”. This six year old boy gave us all a wily smile, took a deep breath and said the following: “ When I get married I want 20 children…10 boys, 10 girls- and when we go on vacation me and all of the boys are going to ride in business class and all the girls are going to ride in economy so I won’t have to beat or be bothered with the girls”. Did anybody else see that black cat? Damn Morpheous!
Now first of all I was amazed at how thought out his idea was for a six year old but what really took me a back was his confidence in relaying the story and to boot it was in front of his mother and sister. It was at that moment I had another AHA moment- As males, from a very early age we are inoculated with this idea that "woman" is something to be tolerated-at best, but she's hazardous by nature.
However, this six year old showed me something else that's another jawbreaker:Women are the ones raising these boys and just like the mammie on the plantation of yesteryear women are actively participating in and indeed nurturing these beings that will ultimately oppress them. Just a second the room is spinning again!
Far from being victim, women are raising their sons to pass on the torch of sexism. Ladies, you don't see it? Need some assitance? No problem. Here is a list to assist you:
5. Don't Sugarcoat it- Just as mom's make sure we get the strawberry robitusen- so to do mom's not tell us when our father's thoughts are garbage. The first time you hear your son saying something as foolish as this 6 year old- blast him! {no, i don't mean beat, i mean educate him thoroughly}.
4. Your own thoughts-- that's right, I said it. Most women are unwiting transmiters of this mind numbing virus. Get yourself checked- I can assist with this!
3. Identification-As a woman, you should be able to point out the things that your young man should look for in a mate as he grows up. Even if your son is only in grade school, you can teach him the kinds of ladylike behavior that nice little girls should be displaying. But since you're the first woman that your son will ever have contact with, setting a ladylike example at home is imperative.
2. Be clear If you married an idiot, Ok, that's a bit harsh, I mean if you married a man who has not yet been reformed into a PMM you have work to do. As embarrassing as it may be for you to have your children see that you actually sleep in the same bed with someone who thinks like that....the Truth will set all of you free and allow you to properly combat "daddy" ideas until he can get help.
1. Housework....Dang skippy! Let young boys SEE and FEEL how challenging house work can be. Let him walk 30 days in your moccasins. This has multiple benifits. Not only will he appreciate you and your work more but he will know what to look for when the time comes. .
So this is far from being a “you go girl” blog. This is more of a “what are we doing here people” type of blog. It’s a “ men are REALLY trippin” type of blog…it’s a “I once was blind but now I see” type of blog.
Men initiated an unjust system that has now been ingested and assimilated by the masses both male and female and now the most sacred of relationships are now facing unprecedented upheavals as the reality of the situation continues to reveal itself to the world.
What is your role in this? Confess and be free!
I think I need a drink……but then again…that’s how this all started isn’t it?
At least that’s what I think in 2219 or less.
Man Up!
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